NRLW Social Media Comparison: Why Watching Other Players Can Destroy Your Confidence
- John Fadel
- Aug 23
- 17 min read
Why NRLW Social Media Comparison Can Damage Player Confidence
I want to talk about something I'm seeing more and more among young female rugby league players.
NRLW social media comparison.
It's almost a hidden trend because very few people openly admit they're doing it.
Yet mention another player's signing or selection and you'll often hear:
"Yeah, I saw that."
Which tells you something.
We're watching.
A player opens Instagram and sees:
"SIGNED."
"NRLW Development Player."
"TOP 24."
"Representative Selection."
Then another announcement.
Then another.
Then another.
Before long, instead of being proud of your own development, you start asking:
"Why isn't that me?"
That's where the problem begins.
I see players consistently watching other players' social media.
Who signed where?
Who got selected?
Who got upgraded?
Who has an NRLW contract?
Who's training with an NRLW squad?
Who has more followers?
Who's getting more attention?
Without even realising it, you begin measuring your value against somebody else's social media page.
And that alone can destroy your confidence.
How NRLW Social Media Comparison Changes the Way Players See Their Own Value
Let's be realistic.
Social media shows you the announcement.
It doesn't show you everything that happened before it.
You might see somebody holding an NRLW jersey.
You don't necessarily see the years of training behind it.
The rejection.
The injuries.
The games they weren't selected for.
The City or Country teams they missed.
The representative teams or Origin selections that didn't happen.
The difficult conversations where they considered giving the game away because they didn't make a squad.
The sacrifices.
The mistakes.
The family pressure.
The setbacks.
And sometimes you don't even know whether that player is genuinely ready for the opportunity they've just received.
You're taking one photograph or one video from somebody else's journey and comparing it with your entire life.
Think about that.
One photograph.
Compared with everything you're going through.
That's not a fair comparison, is it?
That's one of the biggest dangers of NRLW social media comparison.
You're comparing your complete reality with one carefully selected moment from somebody else's life.
An NRLW Contract Does Not Mean Someone Is Ahead of You
This is something every player and parent needs to understand.
A contract is an opportunity.
It isn't proof that one player will ultimately have a better career than another.
There can be many reasons one player receives an opportunity before another.
Timing.
Team requirements.
Position.
Physical development.
Injuries within a squad.
A coach identifying potential.
Existing relationships and knowledge of a player.
Or simply being in the right environment at the right time.
But here's the important part.
You don't know the full story.
And that's exactly why comparing your career to theirs can be so damaging.
At EXCEL Sports Management, we've made a conscious decision not to represent coaches.
We want our players earning their opportunities because they're ready for them.
I've said this many times:
We're not trying to build one-year or two-year players. We want to help build ten-year careers.
And one of the strongest foundations for a long career is earning your position.
One thing I'm particularly proud of is seeing players come through EXCEL Sports who weren't necessarily the big names at 15 or 16.
They worked.
They developed.
They experienced rejection.
They missed selections.
They came back.
They understood their role.
They learned how to accept difficult feedback.
They sacrificed.
And eventually, they earned their opportunity.
That's development.
Every NRLW Player Develops at a Different Speed
I've watched players develop at completely different rates.
Some receive opportunities very early.
Others take longer.
Sometimes recruiters and coaches identify potential early.
Sometimes they get it wrong.
That's sport.
Some athletes physically mature at 16 or 17.
Others don't come close to reaching their potential until they're 20, 21, 22 or even later.
That's why the player you're comparing yourself with today might genuinely be ahead of you today.
Good on her.
But that doesn't mean she'll be ahead of you three years from now.
And it doesn't mean you'll necessarily be ahead of her either.
Nobody knows.
Your career isn't a 100-metre sprint.
Stop treating it like one.
Stop Counting Other People's NRLW Contracts
This is where I want to be very direct with players.
If you're spending more time checking who everybody else has signed with than improving yourself, your priorities are wrong.
Knowing another player's contract doesn't improve your fitness.
It doesn't improve your speed.
It doesn't improve your defence.
It doesn't improve your skills.
It doesn't improve your recovery.
It doesn't make you more coachable.
And it certainly doesn't make you more valuable.
Ask yourself one simple question:
What am I actually gaining from constantly watching them?
If the answer is anxiety, jealousy, vulnerability, self-doubt or the feeling that you're falling behind, then it's time to change what you're consuming.
Put the phone down.
Get back to your own development.
Jealousy Versus Motivation
There's an important difference between inspiration and comparison.
Seeing another player succeed can motivate you.
That's healthy.
You can look at another girl's announcement and genuinely say:
"Good on her. She's earned an opportunity. I want to work towards that too."
That's motivation.
But when motivation becomes obsession, you've crossed a line.
If another player's success starts making you question your own worth, you're no longer using social media positively.
Use successful players as inspiration.
Don't use them as the measurement of your own value.
And remember something else.
Your assessment of another player's value is almost never complete.
Why?
Because you're judging what you can see.
You Don't Know What Happened Behind the Announcement
You don't know every conversation that player has had with her coach.
You don't know how she trains.
You don't know how much extra work she's doing.
You don't know what she's sacrificed.
You don't know what weaknesses she's spent twelve months trying to fix.
You don't know how many times she's been rejected.
You don't know how many squads she's missed.
You don't know how many times she's gone home devastated after being dropped.
You don't know whether somebody identified something in her two years ago and has quietly been developing it ever since.
You see the glamour.
You don't necessarily see the sweat.
You don't see the tears.
You don't see the rejection.
You don't see the sacrifice.
You don't see the conversations where she questioned whether she was good enough.
You see the announcement.
And then you compare that announcement with your entire journey.
That's where comparison becomes dangerous.
Learn What Your NRLW Value Actually Means
Instead of asking:
"Why did she get a contract?"
Start asking:
"How can I become more valuable?"
That's a completely different mindset.
Improve your fitness.
Improve your speed.
Improve your defence.
Improve your skills.
Improve your recovery.
Improve your coachability.
Improve your professionalism.
Improve your character.
Become more consistent.
And allow development to take as long as it needs to take.
Because when your opportunity eventually arrives, I don't want you walking onto that field wondering whether you belong there.
I want you walking onto that field knowing:
"I've earned this."
You've done the work.
You've experienced rejection.
You've fixed your weaknesses.
You've built confidence through preparation.
And you're comfortable knowing exactly what your role is.
Taking longer isn't failure.
Sometimes taking longer is exactly what builds the player capable of staying there when the opportunity finally arrives.
Parents Can Make NRLW Social Media Comparison Worse Without Realising It
This section is extremely important.
Parents do it too.
"Did you see she got signed?"
"How did she make that team?"
"You're better than her."
"Why hasn't that club contacted you?"
As a parent, you may genuinely believe you're supporting your daughter.
Sometimes you're doing the opposite.
You're creating comparison.
You're creating pressure.
And without realising it, you're teaching your daughter to measure her progress against somebody else's journey.
Change the questions.
Instead, ask:
"Are you better than you were six months ago?"
Are you stronger?
Are you fitter?
Are you faster?
Are you more confident?
Are you more coachable?
Are you more disciplined?
Are your weaknesses improving?
That's the comparison that matters.
Family Support Should Focus on Development, Not Comparison
This is where family support becomes incredibly important.
Instead of focusing on what another player has received, start looking at what your daughter actually needs.
What extras could she be doing?
What direction does her development need to take?
Would a proper physical assessment identify areas that need improvement?
Does she need professional strength and conditioning?
Would nutritional guidance help?
Does she need speed or acceleration work?
Does she need positional coaching?
Does she need to improve her recovery?
Does she need someone experienced to sit down with her and honestly assess where her game currently sits?
Those are productive questions.
At EXCEL Sports Management, this is a significant part of what we believe player management should be about.
Player management isn't simply negotiating a contract.
It's identifying weaknesses.
Building strengths.
Providing honest direction.
Creating a development plan.
And helping players continually add value.
We've seen players who weren't necessarily the biggest names coming through the pathways eventually reach the NRLW.
Then three or four years later, suddenly everybody knows their names.
But we know what happened during those three or four years.
They developed.
That's the part social media doesn't show you.
Don't Tear Another Player Down to Build Yourself Up
This is something I strongly believe.
Another player's success isn't your failure.
If another girl receives a contract, congratulate her.
You don't know what she sacrificed to get there.
You don't need to say:
"She's not that good."
"I destroyed her when we played them."
"I should've been selected before her."
None of those statements make you a better footballer.
They don't improve your value.
They don't improve your performance.
And tearing another player down doesn't somehow build you up.
If anything, it can reveal something about your own mindset that needs attention.
Remember this:
Rugby league is a very small world.
Your reputation matters.
Talent may get you considered, but attitude, professionalism and character can have a significant influence on whether people continue investing in you.
Football skills can be developed.
Changing a poor attitude can be considerably harder.
How you respond to somebody else's success says a lot about you.
At EXCEL Sports Management, our core values are:
Family • Faith • You.
Those values aren't based purely on football ability.
Who you are matters.
How you treat people matters.
How you handle disappointment matters.
And how you respond when somebody else succeeds matters.
Character Still Matters in NRLW Recruitment
Social media can make everything look like it's about statistics, contracts, followers and announcements.
It's not.
Coaches and recruiters spend considerable time around players.
They see how you communicate.
They see how you respond to criticism.
They see how you behave when you're not selected.
They see how you treat teammates.
They see whether you celebrate another player's success.
They see what happens when things don't go your way.
Character is difficult to measure on a statistics sheet, but it can have an enormous influence on a career.
Don't allow jealousy over somebody else's opportunity to damage the reputation you're trying to build.
The Dangerous Part — Making Career Decisions From Comparison
This is where NRLW social media comparison becomes more than a confidence problem.
It can become a career problem.
A player sees somebody change clubs and get signed.
Suddenly, she wants to change clubs.
Another player changes managers and announces a contract.
Suddenly, she starts questioning her own manager.
Someone receives a development contract.
Now she desperately wants one, even though she may not be ready.
Someone relocates interstate.
Now she thinks she needs to move.
Someone changes positions and gets selected.
Now she questions whether she's playing the right position.
These can become emotional decisions based on somebody else's journey.
That's dangerous.
Your development plan should never suddenly change because somebody else posted an announcement on Instagram.
Before making a major career decision, stop and ask:
"Does this genuinely make sense for my development, or am I reacting to somebody else's success?"
They're two completely different things.
Don't Change Clubs or Managers Because Somebody Else Got a Contract
This deserves particular attention.
Seeing another player's success can make you question decisions that were perfectly logical 24 hours earlier.
You might have a good relationship with your coach.
You might be developing.
You might have a manager you trust.
You might be in the correct pathway.
Then somebody posts a contract announcement and suddenly you start thinking:
"Maybe I need to change clubs."
"Maybe I need another manager."
"Maybe I'm being left behind."
Be very careful.
Changing clubs or changing representation should be based on your circumstances, not somebody else's Instagram account.
If something genuinely isn't working, review it.
Ask questions.
Get honest advice.
Make a considered decision.
But don't dismantle a good development plan because somebody else's announcement created panic.
Social Media Doesn't Tell You Whether the Decision Was Good
Here's the uncomfortable part.
Every signing looks successful on signing day.
The photograph looks fantastic.
The player is holding the jersey.
The announcement goes live.
The congratulations start arriving.
The post gets hundreds or thousands of views and likes.
Everything looks perfect.
But come back twelve months later.
Did she play?
Did she develop?
Was she happy?
Did she improve?
Was she physically ready?
Was she re-signed?
Was it actually the right club?
Did the opportunity genuinely move her career forward?
Those questions aren't answered by the signing photograph.
That's why I've said repeatedly at EXCEL Sports Management:
Signing day is not the finish line.
The objective isn't to collect announcements.
The objective is to build a career.
A Contract Is the Beginning, Not the Finish Line
Getting a contract is exciting.
It should be celebrated.
But then the real work begins.
Now you have to earn selection.
Now you have to compete against better players.
Now your preparation matters even more.
Your recovery matters.
Your professionalism matters.
Your consistency matters.
Your coachability matters.
Your ability to handle pressure matters.
Your ability to respond to being dropped matters.
And your ability to continue developing when the excitement of signing day has disappeared matters.
That's why you cannot judge somebody's career—or your own—by a contract announcement.
A contract gives you an opportunity. What you do with that opportunity builds the career.
Control Your Own NRLW Timeline
Your journey belongs to you.
You cannot control who another club signs.
You cannot control who another coach selects.
You cannot control what another player earns.
You cannot control what somebody posts.
You cannot control how many followers another player has.
You cannot control how quickly somebody else's career develops.
But you can control:
Your preparation.
Your fitness.
Your recovery.
Your attitude.
Your effort.
Your coachability.
Your education.
Your development.
Your professionalism.
Your response to adversity.
And importantly, what you choose to consume on social media.
That's where your energy belongs.
Because every minute you spend worrying about somebody else's journey is energy you're taking away from your own.
Ultimately, there's only one career you're responsible for building.
Yours.
What Do I Need to Improve So I'm Impossible to Ignore?
Instead of asking:
"Why did she get signed?"
Start asking:
"What do I need to improve so I'm impossible to ignore?"
That's a completely different mindset.
One creates resentment.
The other creates development.
And development is what ultimately builds careers.
This is the reality I want every player to understand.
Another player's contract doesn't improve your career.
Another player's selection doesn't reduce your ability.
Another player's success doesn't take anything away from what you can eventually achieve.
Ask yourself:
Am I getting fitter?
Am I getting faster?
Is my defence improving?
Am I becoming more consistent?
Am I more coachable?
Am I recovering properly?
Am I becoming physically ready for the next level?
Am I improving the areas recruiters actually value?
I recently wrote about exactly this in The Hidden Statistics That Win NRLW Contracts: What Recruiters Really Look For.
Read that article and then come back to one question:
What can I improve today that makes me more valuable tomorrow?
That's where your attention belongs.
Don't Chase the Title of an NRLW Contract
There is something else I want players and parents to understand about NRLW pathways.
Don't become obsessed with the words:
Development.
Supplementary.
Top 24.
Don't chase the title.
Chase the right opportunity.
There are development opportunities that may be available to a player that I simply wouldn't recommend.
Why?
Because getting a contract isn't necessarily the same thing as making the right career decision.
A development contract may be exactly the right opportunity for a younger player coming through the pathways who needs time within an NRLW environment to develop physically, technically and professionally.
But for another player, particularly someone older who has already been playing strong senior football, I would ask a very different question:
What is this development contract actually going to develop?
If I have an established 23 or 24-year-old performing strongly in the Harvey Norman Women's Premiership, depending on the individual circumstances, I may believe she should be pushing towards a supplementary or Top 24 opportunity rather than accepting a development position simply so she can say she's contracted to an NRLW club.
And if that opportunity isn't there yet, sometimes continuing to play consistent senior football can be the smarter decision.
Why?
Because you're playing.
You're developing.
You're putting performances on the field.
And importantly, you're visible to more than one club.
NRLW coaches and recruiters can watch you.
Other opportunities can emerge.
Your value can continue to grow.
Sometimes that's considerably more valuable than chasing the status of being attached to an NRLW squad without a clear pathway beyond it.
This does not mean development contracts are bad.
For the right player, at the right stage of her career, in the right environment, with the right development plan, they can be extremely valuable.
But the title itself means very little to me without understanding what happens next.
What Is the NRLW Contract Actually Developing?
Before accepting a development opportunity, I want players and parents asking:
What will I actually be developing?
Who will be developing me?
What areas of my game are they planning to improve?
How much football am I likely to play?
What opportunities will I receive?
Where do I realistically sit within the club's plans?
What happens at the end of the contract?
Is there a genuine pathway towards a supplementary or senior squad position?
If I develop faster than expected, is there an opportunity to progress?
And most importantly:
Am I actually ready?
Those questions are far more important than:
"Can I put NRLW Development Player in my Instagram bio?"
The same thinking applies as players progress towards supplementary and senior squad opportunities.
Don't chase a label because somebody else posted theirs.
Chase the environment that gives you the best opportunity to become the footballer you're capable of becoming.
At EXCEL Sports Management, where appropriate, we want to see a genuine pathway beyond development.
Many of the development arrangements we pursue have progression towards a Top 24 opportunity because there is a longer-term plan behind the decision.
We want to know what comes next.
We're not interested in collecting contract announcements.
We're interested in building careers.
Being Ready for NRLW Matters More Than Being First
I've said this many times.
At EXCEL Sports Management, we're not trying to create one-year players.
We want to help build ten-year players.
We're trying to build long-term careers.
Sometimes that means pushing forward.
Sometimes the best advice I can give a player is:
Not yet.
Train another year.
Get stronger.
Get faster.
Improve your defence.
Improve your fitness.
Develop another position.
Finish your education.
Work on your confidence.
Improve your nutrition.
Improve your recovery.
Become more professional.
Because there's a difference between being an athlete and understanding how to live and prepare like a professional athlete.
A professional athlete requires a professional mindset.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with another player reaching the NRLW before you.
Good on her.
The real question is:
When your opportunity arrives, are you ready to stay there?
Because I would much rather see a player arrive later and build a ten-year career than arrive early because everybody wanted an announcement, only to disappear from the system twelve months later.
Being first doesn't matter.
Being ready does.
Protect Your Mind as Much as You Protect Your Body
We talk constantly about looking after athletes physically.
Recovery.
Nutrition.
Sleep.
Strength.
Conditioning.
Injury prevention.
But players also need to protect what they're allowing into their minds.
If following another player motivates you, fantastic.
If you can genuinely see another player's success and think:
"Good on her. That's motivated me to work harder."
That's healthy.
But if continually watching that player makes you feel inadequate, anxious, jealous, vulnerable or as though you're falling behind, ask yourself:
Why am I continuing to consume something that's damaging my confidence?
Mute the account if you need to.
You don't need to unfollow somebody dramatically.
You don't need to dislike them.
You don't need to make an announcement about it.
Just protect your own space.
Put the phone away.
Speak to your family.
Speak to someone you trust.
Get back into your own environment.
And get back to work.
There is no weakness in protecting your confidence.
Your mind is part of your performance.
Confidence isn't convincing yourself you're better than everybody else.
Confidence comes from knowing you've prepared.
It comes from doing the work.
It comes from knowing your weaknesses and addressing them.
It comes from being able to walk onto a football field knowing you've earned the right to be there.
Your NRLW Timeline Is Your Timeline
I've watched players who were barely known at 15 or 16 eventually become established NRLW players.
I've watched players experience rejection and use it as fuel.
I've watched players miss representative teams, return to training and become considerably better footballers.
I've watched players physically develop later than everybody around them.
I've watched players who weren't considered the biggest names in their age group continue working until eventually everybody knew their names.
And I've watched highly rated young players discover that early success doesn't guarantee a long career.
That's why I will never judge a young player's entire future by where she sits today.
Development isn't linear.
Careers aren't linear.
Life isn't linear.
There will be setbacks.
There will be rejection.
There will be injuries.
There will be selections you don't understand.
There will be players selected ahead of you.
There will be social media announcements that hurt.
There will be moments when it feels like everybody else is moving forward and you're standing still.
And there will probably be moments when you question whether you're good enough.
That's where your values matter.
At EXCEL Sports Management, ours are:
Family • Faith • You.
And the You matters.
Because eventually you have to decide:
How badly do I actually want this?
Are you prepared to train when nobody is watching?
Are you prepared to accept rejection?
Are you prepared to hear the truth?
Are you prepared to work on your weaknesses?
Are you prepared to sacrifice?
Are you prepared to remain patient when somebody else's opportunity comes first?
Are you prepared to keep working when there's nothing to post on Instagram?
Nobody on social media can answer those questions for you.
Only you can.
Final Thoughts from John Fadel
I want to finish this article with something I hope every player and every parent takes seriously.
Run your own race.
Your career doesn't become more valuable because somebody else's career slows down.
You don't need another player to fail for you to succeed.
You don't need another player to be dropped for you to feel better about yourself.
You don't need to prove you're better than somebody on Instagram.
And you certainly don't need to rush your career because somebody else has a title next to their name that you don't have yet.
Celebrate their success.
Learn from it if there's something worth learning.
Then put the phone down and get back to work.
Because your biggest competition isn't the girl whose Instagram account you've just been watching.
It's the player you were yesterday.
That's the player you need to beat.
Don't measure your value by contracts, followers, likes, announcements or somebody else's timeline.
Measure it by your development.
Measure it by your preparation.
Measure it by your character.
Measure it by your consistency.
Measure it by how you respond when things don't go your way.
And measure it by whether you're becoming a better footballer and a better person than you were yesterday.
One Last Message About NRLW Social Media Comparison
If you remember nothing else from this article, remember this:
Stop measuring your beginning against somebody else's announcement.
You don't know their complete journey.
And they don't know yours.
Another player's success isn't your failure.
Another player's contract isn't your deadline.
Another player's selection doesn't reduce your potential.
Another player's salary doesn't determine your value.
Another player's pathway isn't your pathway.
And another player's Instagram page certainly doesn't determine your future.
Run your own race.
Celebrate good people doing well.
Learn from people who are succeeding.
Work harder when you're disappointed.
Accept honest feedback.
Fix your weaknesses.
Add value.
Protect your confidence.
Be patient enough to develop properly.
And when your opportunity eventually comes, make sure you've done enough work that you don't need Instagram to tell you that you belong there.
You already know.
Because the greatest competition you'll face throughout your career isn't another player.
It's the person you were yesterday.
Become better than her tomorrow.
Excel With Us.
Family • Faith • You.
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